From Proving to Being: Cultivating Authentic Leadership Presence for Women Over 40
- Erica Walls
- Mar 23
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 24
You have the title. The track record. Years of experience.
And yet — before big meetings, high-stakes presentations, rooms full of leaders — you feel it.
Can I show up as myself? Do I belong here? Am I ready to lead?
As a career coach specializing in leadership presence for women over 40, I hear this regularly — from clients and in casual conversations with accomplished women across industries and sectors. Women who have spent entire careers delivering results, earning credentials, and proving — over and over again — that they deserve a seat at the table.
When does the proving stop? At 40? 50? Perhaps 60?
Actually, age is not a factor.
So, what is?
Making a decision to stop.
And that decision begins here.
What is Leadership Presence?
Many women I work with describe leadership presence as an elusive quality — an “it factor” evident in wardrobe choices, posture, stride, or confident speech.
Those things matter. But they are expressions of leadership presence — not the source of it.
Real leadership presence is how you show up. Fully. Authentically. Consistently.
It aligns with who you are and the work you do. It is demonstrated by how you carry yourself in every room — regardless of who's watching.
And for many accomplished women, that alignment is interrupted by one persistent pattern: the need to prove.
Why High-Achieving Women Keep Proving
Proving isn't a personal flaw. It's one of the most common barriers to overcoming imposter syndrome mid-career — and it's rooted in systemic dynamics.
A KPMG study of 750 high-performing female executives found that 75% had experienced imposter syndrome — that internal voice that whispers 'you must keep proving yourself.'¹
A meta-analysis of over 100 studies confirmed that women consistently score higher than men on measures of imposter syndrome, and this gap has not closed despite increased female representation in leadership.²
Research also shows that women tend to apply for roles only when they meet 100% of the qualifications, while men apply at 60% — a behavioral pattern rooted in the need to demonstrate competence before claiming authority.³
In other words — the proving isn't in your head. It has been conditioned into us by environments that weren't always designed with us in mind.
But here's good news: you can silence it.
Inspire to Excel’s Leadership Presence Framework: Becoming → Owning → Being
In my leadership coaching practice, I use a framework to help women understand where they are in their leadership presence journey — and how to move forward.
Becoming: "I can lead."
This is where most women begin.
In the Becoming stage, you are building skills and credentials, using tentative language, or seeking external validation before acting. You work hard to blend in — to prove that you belong — rather than standing as the leader you already are.
Permission seeking lives here. "Is it okay if I..." "I just wanted to check..." "I'm not sure if this is right, but..."
Sound familiar?
Owning: "I am a leader."
The Owning stage is a pivot. A shift toward declaring who you are.
Here, you begin claiming your authority — even before it feels completely natural. Your communication becomes clearer and more direct. You are more intentional - strategically present and proactively accountable. You stop waiting for permission and start making decisions.
This stage requires courage. Because Owning often feels scary — until it doesn't anymore.
Being: "I lead authentically."
Being is the destination.
In this stage, leadership presence is no longer something you think about. It is simply who you are. Your presence is natural and effortless. Your influence is seamless across audiences. You are trusted as an expert. You’ve already proven it. Now, you embody it.
You have stopped performing leadership. You are living it.
Where Are You? A Quick Self-Assessment
To help my clients move from proving to being, I ask questions to assess what’s holding them back.
And you can too. Here’s where to start:
Rate yourself on each statement below on a scale of 0 to 5: (0 = Not at all true for me → 5 = Completely true for me)
I show up as my full, authentic self in high-stakes professional situations — regardless of who is in the room.
I communicate with clarity and confidence without seeking validation or approval.
My leadership presence feels natural and effortless — I don't have to think about it. I just lead.
Total your score and assess your level of leadership presence:
0–9: Becoming. You're building the foundation. That's exactly where growth begins.
10–12: Owning. You're claiming your authority. The shift is already happening.
13–15: Being. You're living your leadership presence. Keep going.
The Shift From Proving to Being
The journey to Being does not require more credentials, titles, or external validation.
It is about a fundamental identity shift — one that unlocks strategic career advancement in ways that credentials alone never could.
From: "I need to prove I belong here." To: "I belong here — fully, authentically, as I am."
That shift doesn't happen overnight. It is cultivated — through awareness, intention, and practice. Through coaching. Through community. Through your courageous decision to stop editing yourself for the comfort of others.
It begins with one question:
How would you show up if you truly believed you already belonged?
You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone
Cultivating leadership presence is at the heart of my coaching practice with professional women over 40 in DC and nationwide. Through my Leadership Presence program, I guide women from Becoming, through Owning, toward Being — with clarity, strategy, and grace.
If you're ready to stop proving and start being, book a strategic consultation today.
Let's keep growing. 🌱
¹ KPMG / University of Michigan Ford School of Public Policy
² Current Research in Behavioral Sciences, 2024
³ Hewlett Packard internal study, cited in Harvard Business Review
About the Author
Dr. Erica Walls provides career coaching for professional women over 40 in DC and nationwide, helping you navigate midlife career pivots and achieve strategic career advancement through career clarity and confidence. Ready to begin? Explore coaching programs | Book a consultation | Connect on LinkedIn
Comments